I spoke at a company meeting last week—over 100 people in the video conference.
I was under no obligation to do so. Our vice president asked if someone wanted to present their elevator pitch. I smashed the little hand icon, signifying to the meeting that I wished to come off mute and say something.
The pitch wasn’t perfect. Not by a long stretch. My throat swelled, and my cadence jumped a few beats because of the nerves. But I survived.
Why throw myself in the ring of fire like this?
Because the opposite of speaking up, to avoid scary things, also has consequences.
I should know.
A few years ago, I bombed my first meeting with a big client. I just sat there, silent, staring into space. Luckily, my mentor was with me to salvage the meeting.
Sure, I prepared for the meeting, but when the time came, I got scared. Not scared of rejection but scared of the client validating how young and incompetent I was. That’s a self-esteem issue.
Clinical Psychologist and business leadership coach Dr. Emily Anhalt. says the best way to overcome this is doing something called “emotional pushups.”
What’s that?
A small action that forces you out of your comfort zone, so you get comfortable with uncomfortable things.
Like real pushups, the more you do them, the easier they get. Do ten pushups per day, and by next month you’re doing 25 per day. Speak up 100 times at meetings, and next year you’re leading the damn thing.
Here are ten emotional pushups you can use today that will help you gain more self-esteem tomorrow.
1.) Voice an idea at a company meeting
Most people are afraid to speak up at meetings.
If that’s you, ask yourself: What did they hire me for? I’ll tell you. They hired you for your skills, but they also hired you for your experiences and the unique perspective you bring to the table. They hired you for your opinion.
Speak up at your next meeting. Tell leadership about something a recent success or failure. I have a feeling they’ll be impressed by your courage.
2.) Ask someone out
Maybe you think it’s awkward to make the first move, so you wait around for a sign that they’re interested.
Little do you know they’re looking for a sign from you and the whole song and dance continues until she/he moves away or finds someone else. What’s the point? There isn’t one—just ask her/him out.
Who cares how you do it. Send a cheesy DM if you must.
3.) Post a thought on LinkedIn
If I can do it 3x a week while holding down a full-time job, you can do this emotional pushup once a week.
Write down an opinion about your career, work-life balance, or anything work-related. Seriously, I posted a shirtless image the other day and talked about running. Edit the thought in Grammarly. Use short sentences. Write a call to action at the end of the post.
Hit send and your workout is complete.
4.) Talk to your barista for 5 minutes
If courage is a muscle, then so is character.
We get annoyed at things we should find beautiful. I got annoyed the other day at a coffee shop. A guy held up the line because he was talking to the barista. The line was getting restless, so was I. But then I stopped myself and thought, “Why I’m I getting so mad?” The guy was just being friendly. This barista gets berated all day with complicated orders from financial advisors who don’t give a shit about her and here’s one person who cares.
Look, I get busy, you get busy, but it’s the little things like being nice that make life worthwhile.
5.) Write a thank you note for no reason
I’m a writer and I still procrastinate thank you notes.
I want to write a long emotionally draining letter telling them how much I appreciate them. I’ll think about how much work that would be than I never get around to it. The thing is, I don’t think anyone wants a heartfelt message – from me or anyone.
Here’s what you do: Write what you’re thanking them for and one personal note about how you enjoyed the last time you saw each other. Boom done.
6.) Say yes whenever you’re offered to speak in public
For two years, a real estate professor at Ohio State’s business school would ask me to present to his class. I always said yes.
It was horrible at first. The kids never paid attention. I would misspell things on the whiteboard. I bored myself with real estate stories. But professor Stuckwich kept inviting me back and each time I got a little better. One semester, Professor Stuckwich no-showed. I looked at my phone and noticed a text. “Family emergency, you run the class, thx.”
Who lets a 25-year-old run a 2-hour college class?
The emotional pushups paid off. I crushed it. A few students even stayed after to talk and ask me questions.
7.) Join a club
Americans need to join more clubs. We spend too much time after work watching Love Island and garbage TV.
My friend Jonathan and I joined a running club called Fleetfeet. Twice a week we meet up with other runners to run (a shit ton) and talk about running. Fleetfeet stretched our pain tolerance which is an emotional pushup in and of itself but it also pushed us to connect with all sorts of crazy people.
A little work-life balance secret—joining a club is actually more relaxing and rewarding than watching Netflix.
8.) Say no without explanation
When you think about it, self-improvement is the art of focusing on things that matter and discarding the things that don’t.
We say yes to so many things that don’t matter. Happy hours, parties, jobs, relationships. To what end? Are we afraid of missing something special? I’ll answer that for you: ahh, not really!
Most things you’re invited to pull you away from your values. If it’s not a hell yes, then discard it and say hell no.
9.) Eat alone at a restaurant
Eating alone is awkward at first.
You'll spend the meal wondering what everyone at the restaurant thinks of you. After the about 5th time conducting this exercise, you’ll realize that no one ever cared. They’re too busy with their own lives.
Here's a valuable truth: There’s no reason to wait around for other people to do things you want to do.
Is there a movie you want to see but your friends aren’t in town? Go see it! How about a restaurant you’ve always wanted to try? Make a reservation. Why not?
10.) Cut your social media time in half
Instagram is like masturbating—maybe it feels good in the moment but ultimately does nothing and makes you feel like garbage.
Everyone puts their best foot forward on social media. You don’t see Jake Paul post about his bad days. And yet, we use social media to compare our lives, which leaves us feeling discontent and disheartened about everything we’ve worked so hard to build.
But that’s what we do, and we can’t always help it. Shut it down for a while. Work your emotional muscles to put the phone away.
Takeaways
Here’s the rundown, ten easy actions that will improve your courage and self-esteem.
1.) Present an idea at a meeting
2.) Ask someone out
3.) Talk to your barista
4.) Post a thought on LinkedIn
5.) Write a thank you note
6.) Say yes to public speaking
7.) Join a club
8.) Say no
9.) Eat alone at a public restaurant
10.) Cut down on social media
Best of luck, and comment if you have a few to add to this list.