3 Simple Mantras That Get You Through Life's Not So Simple Resets
Beat these mantras in your head like a drum
3 Simple Mantras That Get You Through Life's Not so Simple Resets
No one prepares you for life’s resets.
Quitting a job you thought was a dream job. Leaving a marriage. Moving to a new city. Resets are difficult because you were prepared to call your old life home. Now, it’s a memory.
It’s a visceral heartbreak watching an old dream shatter for no better reason than it didn’t work out. Pat yourself on the back. You had the courage to walk away, to make a change. Do you realize how many people refuse to change? The poor souls prepared to die on a hill that’s completely wrong for them?
The thought doesn’t make resets any easier.
Here are 3 mantras that will.
It was always meant to be temporary
Our thoughts like to default to the negative — especially during a reset.
“I just wasted 5 years in this job!” “Woe is me!” “She was the one, I’ll never be happy again.”
Sound familiar?
The psychologist Robert Ellis gave a humorous name to this mindset: “musterbation”. It feels good for a few minutes but ultimately does nothing. How about an alternative? Instead of a closed mindset, what if we opened? What if the relationship, job, or city was always meant to be temporary? What if it already served its purpose, a purpose to guide you towards your true self?
I have notes of all my resets recorded in a journal. I kid you not. Extraordinary things occurred in each of those moments.
At 26, I went through a breakup and nearly went broke. I found a Gary V book while at a bookstore which inspired me to create content and write.
At 28, COVID gave me the time to reevaluate what I wanted and gave me the courage to reach out to a friend who helped me change my career path.
The hard truth: Somethings, most things, are meant to be temporary.
That’s a wonderfully freeing thought once accepted. You still haven’t met all the people who will love you. You still haven’t discovered all the things that will light your soul on fire. You still haven’t accomplished all that you will accomplish.
Resets take courage because it means letting go of the past. You let go of old relationships, routines, and mindsets. In return, you become your true self.
You’re now the snitch from Harry Potter, you open at the close.
I’m not starting from zero
Resets feel like failure.
Nonsense. Here’s what’s actually going on: you lived, you changed your perspective, you gave something everything you had and it didn’t work out. It happens.
Resets harden your resolve, but that’s not all it does. Not even close. When I left commercial real estate state, I didn’t just leave a stronger person. I left more networked, a better businessperson, and a more creative content producer. Skills that continue to serve my professional career. You think resets only make you stronger? I hope that’s not all it does.
The same goes for relationships. You gave yourself to someone, and it didn’t work out. You could pity yourself and count the ways you weren’t enough, or you could learn from the experience.
The podcaster and relationship expert Case Kenny calls them “experience points”. Did you learn more about your likes and dislikes in a partner? That’s a point. Did you learn how to spot red flags? There’s another point. What about your communication style? Did you learn how to stand up for yourself and ask for what you want?
Two points.
Life can be even more amazing than you can possibly imagine
I flew to London last week to visit a mentor.
We did all the touristy things like pub crawls, fancy dinners, and museums, but we mostly walked and talked about life. About every hour, he’d turn and say, “Cal, life can be even more amazing than you can possibly imagine.”
Seems like a delusional thing to say to someone, but there’s a method to the madness.
It takes a tremendous amount of courage to want more for yourself. To push yourself. To ask for help. To sacrifice people and things in pursuit of your truth.
The journey starts with telling yourself stories, and that’s our problem. Our stories default to “musterbation”. When we realize a job isn’t working out, when we get dumped, when the hill we were climbing is higher than we thought.
Enter the negative feedback loop that will forever hold you back - if you let it.
You decided to reset your life, you’re in a fight to the death now. How do you fight? Remind yourself of how far you’ve come, and where you’re going. Whatever you do, you must not surrender to darkness. You must fight for the light. You can’t give up on yourself or others. You’re now a dealer in hope. You must tell yourself a story of progress and redemption.
Life can be even more amazing than you can possibly imagine.
My mentor wasn’t being funny. He was training my mind to default to love instead of despair.
You must do the same.
It was a sixteen-year-old Anne Frank who wrote: “work, love, courage, and hope. Make me good and help me cope.”