Most people have the wrong image of mental toughness.
That it can only be embodied by David Goggins, Jocko Willink, or Tom Brady: In the gym at 4:30 am, compete in everything you do, blood, sweat, and tears.
Sure, but not always.
Mental toughness is simply perseverance toward an important goal, even when you feel like stopping. I don’t know about you, but I find examples everywhere.
Here are four things all mentally tough people do, exemplified by some of the toughest people who have ever walked the earth.
The examples might surprise you.
They honor their rituals
It’s ironic that the people who society deems the most free (or successful) are at the same time, prisoners to their boring routines.
Consider the humor writer David Sedaris.
He wakes up every morning, writes in his diary for a few hours, works on whatever book, article, or project on his plate, and then spends the next seven to eight hours picking up trash on the street.
That’s David’s sacred writing process. His workday. When friends ask if he’d like to grab a coffee, he politely declines. When invited to a party, he informs the host, I’d love to, but I need to write and pick up trash tomorrow.
Mastery doesn’t occur in chaos. It requires discipline. Without discipline, well, we welcome complacency back into our lives.
That’s why mentally tough people protect their odd rituals with their lives.
Because, in many ways, their lives depend on them.
Nothing really bothers them
Most people get rallied up over insignificant things.
A crush doesn’t text them back.
Someone ignores them at a party.
Their project goes unappreciated at work.
Every sleight of hand, little screw you, or dismissal turns into a personal attack against everything they stand for. What’s worse, they become so engulfed by their emotions that they lash out and hurt everyone around them.
That’s not mental toughness. That is cowardice.
There’s a famous Angela Merkel story about not letting things bother you.
In 2007, Chancellor Merkel met Vladimir Putin in Sochi to discuss an energy deal between Russia and the European Union. During a tense moment, Putin “accidentally” let loose one of his guard dogs — a large black Labrador — knowing well that Merkel has had a fear of dogs since childhood.
Putin meant to intimidate her, but Merkel remained calm, almost ignorant to the fact anything was going on at all. The plan backfired, and Putin looked like a fool on the world stage.
It’s hard to swallow your pride, but mentally tough leaders know, as we all should, there’s always a bigger mission at stake.
They turn to hope and optimism
I’m reading a Doris Kearns Goodwin book called Leadership in Turbulent Times — A beautifully written biography that follows the lives and leadership qualities of Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, FDR, and LBJ.
No joke, it’s the most important book I’ve read this year.
Why?
Because it taught me the value of optimism.
It would surprise most people to hear just how low these leaders felt as young adults.
At 32 years old, Lincoln was so broke and depressed that people often spotted him wandering into the woods with a gun, not returning for days.
Teddy Roosevelt lost his wife and mother on the same day in the same house. The tragedy stirred a crazed mania in the man, which nearly torpedoed his political career.
Lest we forget, FDR lost his ability to walk just as he was coming into his prime.
Remember that even the most confident and gritty among us struggle from time to time. But mentally tough people take action. Even if that action is small. It was Franklin Delano Roosevelt who proclaimed: If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.
Lincoln found a well-paying job as an attorney’s assistant and slowly regained his confidence.
Teddy moved to the Badlands to rediscover himself.
FDR wrote letters to other polio patients, eliciting advice and inspiration.
You can’t tell me mental toughness doesn’t require hope and optimism.
They never stop learning
I recently read a biography about Benjamin Franklin. He was one of the most famous inventors of his time and used his popularity to influence the political landscape — basically a 1700’s version of Elon Musk.
Unlike his colleagues, Franklin never enjoyed a prestigious education. He learned by following his curiosities and used his entrepreneurial flare to find answers. For example, he founded the Library Company of Philadelphia to gain access to knowledge, and during his travels, he made a point to befriend world-renowned philosophers, scientists, and politicians.
He literally made the world his classroom.
It was Benjamin Franklin who observed: “I once knew a man in Philadelphia who died at 25, but wasn’t buried till 75.”
Franklin was describing someone who stopped learning.
Moral of the story: Mentally tough people are lifelong learners, so don’t let yourself die at 25.
I wrote this article because I believe we have the wrong impression of mental toughness.
Mental toughness doesn’t mean molding your life like a navy seal, exerting every ounce of willpower day in and day out.
It looks like a reading and writing ritual. A wine hobby that relieves the stresses of the day job. Following your curiosities, where ever they might lead.
Mental toughness can be found in all sorts of people, not just soldiers and athletes.
Where is it found in you?