7 Things You Shouldn’t Worry About In Your Twenties
Free yourself from comparison traps and unlock your potential
7 Things You Shouldn’t Worry About In Your Twenties
Worry haunts twentysomethings. It’s the reason mindfulness books are flying off the shelf at bookstores and why self-help writers are making a small fortune posting articles on Medium. I don’t think the universe designed us to cram all our major life decisions into one decade, but here we are.
I’m inching towards 30, and I can tell you worry is unavoidable. Some worries feel like the weight of the world, but as time marches on, you’ll realize they don’t have to be. I can also tell you that if you drop these big worries early on, then you will find yourself happier, healthier, and more motivated in your twenties.
1. Loveless relationships
I read a quote from Jordan Peterson about how couples stay together longer than they should because they’re afraid, subconsciously, of the trauma and horrible loneliness following a breakup. He describes the situation biblically in his book 12 Rules For Life: “The escape from tyranny is often followed not by paradise, but by a sojourn in the desert, aimless, confused, deprived.”
I learned after my second serious relationship that you only have a few shots at love. If you find yourself in a loveless, transactional relationship, take the sojourn through the desert. Don’t worry about the pain proceeding tyranny — it is only temporary, and you deserve real love.
2. Your why
The “know your why” phenomenon made famous by the writer Simon Sinek has become the theme of every leadership conference, self-help book, and corporate all-hands meeting. The philosophy is simple — Be honest with yourself, know your purpose, and remind yourself of it daily.
I had many restless nights wrestling with my why — narrowing down my purpose into three concise sentences that justified why I worked so hard. Here’s the thing. You shouldn’t have to justify your purpose to you or anyone else — it’s part of your soul. Here’s my why:
Why do you write? To help others.
Why do you write? Because I enjoy doing it.
I love you Simon Sinek, but what other justification for a pursuit could one possibly need?
3. Milestones
Ph.D. psychologist Aimee Daramus says young people put too much pressure on themselves to hit life’s milestones. “Millennial anxiety encompasses all sectors of life,” she said in an interview. “Not graduating college or getting a promotion — including personal life like marriage and children. If they haven’t accomplished that yet, they start thinking there’s something wrong with them.”
Twentysomethings often fall victim to the comparison trap. We aim to hit the same milestones within the same timeframe as our parents, or we set goals we don’t care about to keep up appearances on social media. Let me ask you this: Would you care as much about these milestones if you didn’t see them every day on social media?
I’m guessing not. Do not become a slave to the souls of others.
4. Idleness
I listened to an episode of NPR’s “How I Built This” where they interviewed the CEO of Samuel Adams Brewing Company, Jim Koch. At 24 years old, Jim dropped out of Harvard to work for a wilderness guide in British Columbia. Everyone thought it was a quick leave of absence, but he shocked his parents and guidance counselor when the sabbatical turned into a 3-year stint in the Canadian bush.
Why did he do it? He obviously loved the outdoors, but the time away allowed him to honestly decide what he wanted from his life.
“I didn’t want to make decisions that would bind me for the rest of my life,” He told Guy Raz on NPR. “Also I realized that there are only things you can do in your twenties, that if you don’t do them, you will never be able to do them.”
Jim’s story is fantastically ironic. His decision to drop his career and live in the wild appears reckless. But he understood, as we all should, that life is long. It’s ok to sit idle if only to discover what’s true.
5. Money
I’ve never been more anxious than the months I couldn’t pay rent and had to Door Dash and force ramen down my throat to skate by. Make sure you support yourself because going broke sucks. You’re constantly stressed, you become unbearable to be around, and you lose all creative inspiration.
Money is important, but it’s not everything. If it were, we would spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week, cranking out cold calls at the office. Prioritize financial stability, but in your quest for a bigger paycheck, remember what the money means to you. A number won’t define your character and even a twenty-year-old can earn respect without financial rewards.
6. Your Passion
The author Mark Manson wrote a wonderful blog about the secret to finding your passion. He says you must ask yourself with complete honesty: “What’s my favorite brand of shit sandwich?”
He means to say that every career comes served with suck, no matter how exciting or glamorous the position appears on the surface. When Indiana Jones isn’t chasing the Holy Grail or fighting Nazis, he’s at his desk grading Archaeology 101 papers — as miserable as one can be. As Manson writes, “Everything sucks some of the time.” All you have to decide is which brand of shit you wouldn’t mind eating the most.
7. Turning 30
Age is but a number, that’s what we tell ourselves. But there’s something about 30 so ingrained in our ageist dogma that we worry about it anyway. The best we can do is accept what is and trust the future.
How?
Gratitude. Have gratitude for the progress you’ve made. The skills you’ve developed. The friends at your side. The hard lessons. The late nights. The heartbreaks. The glorious victories. The humiliating defeats.
I wouldn’t want to relive 24 but I would tell that kid only this: “Don’t worry so much. To quote Marcus Aurelius. You’re an old man. Stop allowing your mind to be a slave, to be jerked about by selfish impulses, to kick against the present, and to mistrust the future.”