How A Daily Journal Helps Men Become More Resilient, Calm, and Focused
How A Daily Journal Helps Men Become More Resilient, Calm, and Focused
I knew jack about emotional intelligence before I started journaling
How A Daily Journal Helps Men Become More Resilient, Calm, and Focused
A mentor once held a piece of notebook paper in front of my face with the words “The Roadmap to Joy” written at the top.
In the middle of the paper, she wrote “BALANCE.” She then drew a line to another word: “PHYSICAL BALANCE.” Around that word she jotted down the daily things people need to take care of their health.
Eat a balanced diet. Exercise. Stay away from drugs.
I’d been taught how to live like an athlete from a young age—so I didn’t pay attention.
She moved on to “FINANCIAL BALANCE” and noted practices for financial stability.
File taxes on time. Keep a budget. Live below your means.
Yawn. I learned all this in school.
At this point, I was feeling good about myself. I thought I had conquered the world.
Then she wrote “EMOTIONAL BALANCE.”
My jaw dropped.
I knew jack shit about emotional balance. No one had ever taught me. Nor expressed that it was important.
“Cal, this is the secret to a more resilient, calm, and focused version of yourself.” She said.
She then wrote step one: Journal.
Journaling is Not “Unmanly”
Let’s talk about my hero — Marcus Aurelius
The guy has clout thanks to writers and business leaders who’ve adopted his philosophies on resiliency and overcoming obstacles.
I like Marcus for another reason.
What most people don’t know is that Marcus Aurelius was never a philosopher. He studied philosophy, but his principal occupation was Roman Emperor — the most powerful man in the world.
He’s famous today for a book we call Meditations. You’d be forgiven for finding the book dull and repetitive with weird sayings that pop up three or four times without warning.
Sayings like:
“Do not be perturbed, for all things are according to the nature of the universe; and in a little time you will be nobody and nowhere.”
That’s because Marcus never meant to publish this book. They’re reminders about how to stay balanced. Conversations with himself whenever anxieties overwhelmed his resolve. Regurgitated quotes from mentors like Herodes Atticus.
Meditations was his journal!
That’s why he’s my hero. He was a leader who knew he had complicated emotions (as all people do) and that those emotions must be processed and understood before they crept into his actions.
Something most men don’t do.
How To Write What You’re Feeling
Dr. Brene Brown might be the world-leading expert on human emotions.
“Our hearts are seas of expansiveness of emotion and experience.” She said on the Oprah Winfrey podcast.
“At some point, those emotions and experiences need to be articulated.”
The science is clear about this. Journaling improves wellbeing and helps people recover from traumatic events. How? Language untangles the complicated stories in your head so you can finally stop obsessing and see things objectively.
Where do you start?
Don’t overthink it. Just write.
Write about an Instagram post that set you off. The confusing thing your partner said last night. The horrible date. The extra work your boss is having you do.
Write about how the event made you feel. Give the emotion a name. How did you respond? Why did you respond that way?
Don’t forget about the wonderful emotions. After all, we live in a beautiful world.
What put you in a state of awe or wonder today? Who in your life makes you smile? How can you show gratitude to that person?
“Language is a kind of life jacket,” says Brene Brown.
She’s 100% correct. Narcissists convince themselves they have all the answers and drive themselves crazy with cheap wellness tactics, introspection, and self-medication.
In reality, we know little about ourselves and others.
Language frees us from the need to find the answers and gives worries an objective reality.
Call it a life jacket for the unspeakable.
Not Confronting Your Emotions Will Make You Weak
Since that meeting with my mentor, journaling has become part of my daily ritual. Just as important as brushing my teeth, making cold calls, and exercising.
It’s more than a habit. It’s a daily necessity.
Journaling has become a place of stillness amidst the storm that is young professionalism. Work burnout, setbacks, and life drama don’t make me flinch the way they used to.
I’m now armored with the tools which keep my emotions in check.
Men look down on journaling because it calls on us to address our weaknesses in a culture that values emotional detachment and strength.
Here’s a new perspective:
Science tells us that not addressing our emotions makes us more emotional.
Marcus Aurelius (maybe the manliest of all men) tells us that not confronting your weaknesses makes you weak.