How Real Creators Stop Caring What Other People Think About Them
Or at least so it doesn’t affect creativity
Cal Axe here wishing everyone a happy Friday :)
It’s day 11 of Tom Kuegler’s LinkedIn challenge. I’ll be honest, it’s a ton of work. We come up with new content every day, meet twice a week to talk about the platform, and spend hours each day commenting on each other’s content.
That being said, it’s a fucking blasts!
Tom’s running this program for a reason: LinkedIn is a golden business opportunity. The organic reach is similar to early Facebook. A few of my recent posts received over 60 likes and +3,000 views. Here’s one for example.
If you ever wanted to grow your personal brand or build a serious following, now is the time.
I know some of you might be nervous about posting vulnerable things about your life. I know this because I was terrified of this stuff three years ago.
If you’re nervous about posting, read this article. IT’S FOR YOU!
How Real Creators Stop Caring What Other People Think About Them
Or at least so it doesn’t affect creativity
Do other people’s thoughts about you prevent you from creating?
Are you afraid of appearing cringy?
Are you afraid of becoming the office fool?
How about sounding dumb?
I’m a part of Tom Kuegler’s 30 Day Sprint Challenge this month — a group of 40 All-Star creators handpicked by Tom to complete a single goal: Post on LinkedIn every day for 30 straight days.
Honestly, I’m humbled to be a part of the group. Why? Because three years ago I was terrified to film myself on camera, let alone post it for my peers to watch and critique.
I knew LinkedIn was a golden business opportunity, but I was so scared by what others might think about my content that I procrastinated posting for months and months.
The idea of placing my vulnerabilities on a platform for the world to judge overwhelmed my ego.
It’s a dilemma every creator, entrepreneur, and business leader must confront.
Let’s confront it now.
How to stop caring about other people’s thoughts is the wrong question.
Let’s start with why we care what other people think.
I don’t believe it’s possible to stop caring about what other people think about you. It’s ingrained in our DNA. We’re social beings, evolved from close-knit tribes where communication, conformity, and friendship were vital to survival.
Besides, if you didn’t care what other people think, you would become an Ebenezer Scrooge type of character — immune to empathy and ignorant to the needs of others. “Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?”
That’s no good.
The fact is, you’re going to care what other people think. The better question is, how do you manage yourself when confronted with those opinions?
How do you compartmentalize other people’s thoughts (or perceived thoughts) so it doesn’t affect your productivity, creativity, or will to act?
Here’s what helped me.
If you care what other people think, you don’t have something you care enough about.
The writer and genius, Mark Manson, recently wrote a blog about this subject. He writes:
“You will stop caring about what other people think about you when you have something in your life that’s more important than what other people think.”
Consider the act of writing. When people say they hate writing, what they’re really saying is they don’t want their ideas to be judged and tarnished by others. But what if it was an idea you truly cared about with all your heart and soul? A blog about social change. An Instagram account about physical fitness. A newsletter about thriving in your twenties.
I have a sneaky feeling that if you tied your work to a bigger mission, you would feel less vulnerable to what other people thought about you.
So if you’re terrified to create, perhaps you should find a subject you care more about.
Find a second passion.
Successful people tend to have a strong relationship with an activity outside their day job.
Winston Churchill was a lifelong painter of landscapes. The writer David Sedaris likes to spend his afternoons picking up trash on the street. NBA star Carmelo Anthony is considered an oenophile or a “connoisseur of wines.” In fact, he recently launched a wine podcast called What’s In Your Glass.
The point is, the weight of other people’s opinions multiplies when we place too much pressure on one thing. When you have more than one passion, you’re telling the world, “I am much more than just this one thing.”
Three years ago, I only posted content about commercial real estate. I crushed at first, but after a few months, fear and doubt clouded my creative spirit again. “Why was no one else doing this? How long must I keep this up? What will people say if I stop?
I felt one-dimensional — like I had placed all my chips on red at the roulette table.
Then a strange thing happened.
I found Medium and discovered a passion for leadership and self-improvement. I wrote stories about my young professional experience and posted self-improvement content alongside my commercial real estate content.
My confidence skyrocketed because I eased the pressure to be perfect on one subject.
When you’re a creator, it’s ok to juggle. You will increase your confidence and care less about what people think.
Relax, no one is thinking about you that much anyway.
The greatest piece of business advice I’ve ever received came from my mother.
When I was in high school, walking around worried about a zit or something, she said, “Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one is thinking about you that much anyway.”
Here’s a universal truth: We have no idea what other people are thinking.
The psychologist David Elkin famously researched a phenomenon called imaginary audience syndrome. The idea that our peers watch our every move on a jumbotron, waiting for you to screw up.
Consider your last vacation when you thought everyone at the office was judging you for taking time off. Or the time you didn’t post a picture on Instagram because your hair looked out of place.
Most people didn’t know you were gone. Also, no one would have noticed your hair.
People are never really thinking about you. They weren’t before. They aren’t now. They likely never will.
If they do think about you, it’s a fleeting sentiment before the next drama flashes across their screen.
Therefore, go create, even if it’s cringy, even if your hair sucks today. Odds are nobody will even notice.
Finally, practice.
Three years ago, I was scared to post anything. Scared to create. Scared to share my story. The value I had to offer the world suppressed, and for what reason? All because I cared about what other people might think about me?
Here’s what I found to be the most effective way to manage this resistance: practice.
Post one personal story this week. You can do one post right?
After you post, note the audience’s reaction. Did you get canceled? Did the world end? Did your family call to say how disappointed they were?
None of that will happen.
Here’s what will happen: You will discover a supportive group made better by your story.