These 8 Thoughts Disappear When I’m Feeling Confident And At My Best
Even Einstein had imposter syndrome
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These 8 Thoughts Disappear When I’m Feeling Confident And At My Best
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words
Watch your words, they become your actions,
Watch your actions, they become your habits,
Watch your habits they become your character,
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
-Lau Tzu, Ancient Chinese Philosopher
The saying means our thoughts become our reality.
What does this have to do with confidence? After all, the saying “watch your thoughts, they become your words” is an admission of our shortcomings — that our thoughts aren’t always confident by nature.
That’s the point! No one is perfect. Our minds flip through doubts like super bowl ads while we sit on the couch waiting for the game to start.
I’m most confident when I’m present and engaged in the task at hand — I’m not dwelling on the past, dreaming about the future, or doubting my actions.
I don’t know about you, but the following thoughts disappear when I’m at my best. That doesn’t mean I never have them, but I can tell you it’s possible to untangle them and even diminish their impact.
1.) “I’m Not Good Enough.”
Albert Einstein once described himself as an “involuntary swindler.” Someone whose work did not deserve attention or praise. Can you believe that! The father of modern physics suffered from the great wart of young professionalism: imposter syndrome.
If Einstein had it, what hope do we have?
Imposter syndrome falls under one of those real but not true insecurities. The anxiety is real, but the thoughts are unfounded. Our minds tend to think locally: we overemphasize how much we struggle with tasks, so we assume everyone else can complete the same task more easily.
This isn’t the truth.
My advice, talk to someone. Untangle those insecure thoughts. I’m sure the person you speak with will tell you what I’m about to: You’ve made it this far for a reason, you belong.
2.) “If I Could Just Make More Money, I’ll Be Set.”
L’essential est invisible pour les yeux. What’s essential is invisible to the eyes.
Historians credit the ancient Greeks for introducing money to the world — an easier way for our capitalist cousins to move goods around the Aegean Sea.
But it didn’t take the Greeks long to discover the dark side of money, that once you made a little, you always wanted more.
They told the parable of Midas, the king who wished everything he touched turned to gold. Plates, cups, palaces, that was cool. But food? Even his beloved daughter?
C’est vriament dommage.
I’m most confident when I can see the big picture, and understand that “more” comes at a cost: either time, energy, happiness, or relationships.
Imagine how confident we would feel if we could relinquish the burden of more. The burden of wanting.
3.) “Why Aren’t They Paying Attention To Me!”
The success of others will not lower your self-worth. It’s ok for us to place the spotlight on someone else for a change, it’s what makes us leaders. I had to learn this the hard way.
4.) “I Will Never Win.”
Allow me to nerd out for a moment. In The Lord of The Rings, there’s a character named Denethor, Gondor’s steward (temp. king), who meets his demise in spectacular fashion. He chucks himself from the city’s tallest tower while engulfed in flames surrounded by orcs, trolls, dementors on dragons, and all sorts of scary shit.
Denethor represents hopelessness. Before his overly dramatic suicide, he says, “Against the power that has risen in the east, there can be no victory.” His brain is so clogged with despair that he can’t imagine other possibilities, that maybe there could be help on the way, which there was.
The author of The Lord of The Rings, JRR Tolkien, fought in WWI and lost most of his friends to the war. I’m sure he encountered many Denethors during his life and even sunk to his level on occasion.
Perhaps that’s why he felt compelled to insert such a cowardly character.
What about the other end of that spectrum, hope? Winston Churchill, oddly enough, encountered a similar situation during WWII. Nazis surrounded England, Europe continued to lose land to fascist regimes, and London was bombed daily. To call it a desperate situation would be an understatement.
But instead of saying, “there is no victory,” Churchill got on the radio and repeated a simple phrase, “never give up, never give up, never, never, never.”
Confident people know there is always hope, always, always, always.
5.) “I’m So Far Behind Everyone Else.”
I’m often crippled by this thought. It buzzes like a refrigerator whenever I fire up social media or meet someone my age with a Tesla.
Through some practice, I’ve reached the point where I can step back observe the thought and understand where it’s coming from, it’s not as debilitating anymore. It’s merely my inner child crying out in jealousy. That I deserve what everyone else has or something.
The truth is, the success of others has nothing to do with your life. You must focus on your own experience and be humble enough to applaud the success of others.
Gary Vee says you’re not behind, you’re just early in the process.
That’s damn right.
6) “If Only I Had Done Things Differently.”
I could really leave this section with the famous words from Tolstoy.
“Love only exists in the present.”
Don’t dwell on past mistakes.
7)“People Will Like Me More When I Achieve This.”
Americans love titles.
I’m a stockbroker
I’m a vice president.
I’m a doctor.
I’m a writer (boy, do I long to say that).
Chasing titles isn’t immoral, I’m at my best when there’s a plurality to my motivations. I want to be liked and respected, everyone does, but there’s also a passion and reverence for the craft.
The best performers utilize both motivators to push them through setbacks, long nights, and cold days. But they don’t rely on one or the other.
When you decide to chase a title or trophy, check yourself. Why do I really want to do this?
8.) “Should I Go After My Dream?”
If you’re asking me, here’s my answer:
Yes, hell yes! What else are you going to do with your life?
But let’s face it, everyone has doubts about exploring the unknown, and it’s easy to invent excuses:
I’m confident when I understand that these fears are a waste of time and energy. I need that juice to chase my dream.
· I’m afraid of what people might say about your drastic life change.
Who cares what other people think, so many people were in your position at one point in time.
· I’m afraid of failing.
You will learn something in the process and come back stronger.
· I’m afraid of the work that lies ahead.
But if you truly love it, it won’t always feel like work.
So should you go after your dream? there’s only one way to find out.
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