You're an Emotionally Intelligent Person If You Ask Yourself This One Question
Learn how to hold your fire
Ever type a long, emotionally charged letter/text to someone and end up not sending it?
I have. I can think of two.
I typed an email to a manager I had during an internship. This guy was nuts. His marriage was falling apart, and he was taking it out on the interns. Did we underperform? Yea, but that’s not an excuse.
The second was for a girl I used to date. I wanted her back, so I decided to get her a Christmas gift attached to a desperate letter. You know because everyone loves receiving those.
Was I justified in writing these letters?
Maybe.
Sure.
But they ended up in the trash, and the world was better for it.
We’ve all been in situations like this. Friends urging us to stir up drama. Bosses pushing us to the limit. Social media begging for our opinion.
I found that emotional intelligence is often text you don’t send. Wouldn’t you agree?
So if you’re thinking about stirring the pot by sending that angry email or desperate love letter.
Hold, hold, hold your fire and read this short article.
Answer this one emotionally intelligent question before you hit send.
There’s a funny line from Cheryl Strayed’s advice column “Tiny Beautiful Things.”
A married man started crushing on his hot next-door neighbor. He fell head over heels for this girl and wasn’t sure if he should act on the impulse and cheat on his wife.
“Why don’t you put that energy into your wife?” Cheryl replied. “The woman you’re crushing on is like a motorcycle with no one on it. Beautiful. Going nowhere.”
I misread her quote at first. I pictured a motorcycle riding itself into a semi-truck and bursting into flames. She meant a motorcycle sitting there doing nothing.
Anyway.
You will feel angry or aroused because of someone's hurtful actions. That’s normal. It’s even normal to counter their actions with an emotional text to set their mind right.
Type the text if it makes you feel better, but then take a beat and let it breathe for a second.
You might stop and ask yourself. Would this age well or is this a motorcycle with no one on it?
If you asked yourself that question, you’re an emotionally intelligent person.
Here’s why.
I never sent those letters for this reason.
Would the letters I wrote have aged well?
Absolutely not.
In each case, I put them under my bed or stored them in a computer file and went to sleep. I woke the next morning and realized the letters would not change a damn thing and that I would be the one suffering the consequences – not the receiver.
I could have sent my manager that email, but then I’m the one who has to confront him the next day at the office. I could have sent that Christmas gift, but then I’m the one who looks like a creep when we’re still broken up, and I see her at a coffee shop or something.
I’m sure they were beautiful letters. But maybe beautiful letters should come with a warning label.
Place your energy into something more important.
Actions done out of anger or desperation normally don’t age well.
Think of all your friends who got caught up in drama and sent a text they regretted.
Think of the politicians and influencers like Donald Trump, Elon Musk, and Kyrie Irving, who destroyed their credibility over impulsive tweets. The list goes on and on and on.
So the next time you’re in this situation.
Take a beat.
Sleep on it.
Put your energy into something more important.
Remember, that emotionally charged text you wrote is a motorcycle with no one on it.
Beautiful.
It looks fun.
But it’s going nowhere, and it’s probably going to hit a semi and burst into flames.